Day 31: Still on the Wagon, The Last Man Standing

So when I started this "challenge" my Grandmother remarked that she had heard I was on the wagon.  To which I replied I had no idea what Cowboys and Indians had to do with my sobriety, if anything that should imply that I should be drinking.  I have to say that it is a relief to finally be done with this little adventure.  The reason really has nothing to do with a dependency at all, more than anything it just so happens that a frosty brew is something that is quite refreshing and revitalizing.  When I told the majority of people about this adventure they were astonished that we would have ever accepted such a challenge.  I mean what could have gone so terribly wrong that we needed to stop drinking entirely?  The best part of this whole process has been that nothing went wrong.  There was no kind of trouble or intervention involved at any point to spur on such a 'drastic' change of course, merely free will.  It is one thing to say that you are not dependent and it is another thing entirely to know it and prove it.  

My pessimistic cohort, on the other hand, saw no redeeming value in this little test of will.  It became a mundane trial that ultimately propelled him into what, in many ways, appeared to be a perpetual boredom.  I would counter that not enough was done on this adventure to seek out new activities to do.  Though I would stop short of stating that this was really an awe-inspiring, deliberate dose of reality.  I feel that this was a valuable experience.  It tested my abilities to deal with constant peer pressure and demonstrated that I am quite capable of having some fun without the influence of alcohol.  I mean, in some ways, it is a silly way of doing things; rather than just drinking less, stopping consumption entirely seems pretty radical.  As I have previously stated in another entry, alcohol can provide a much needed reboot, but I feel that this period of temperance has been equally as important in rebooting my mind.  If for nothing else, it was something different that what usually happens on a weekend to weekend basis.  For the sake of breaking routine alone this has been a great success. 

I feel like, at least in this moment, that practicing moderation will be something that is much easier to achieve after quitting cold turkey.  As a matter of fact, currently, I have no real pressing desire to drink at all.  This is not to say that I do not plan on drinking again, it is just the fact that the proverbial monkey has been removed from my back.  I do not blame the other two friends involved in this challenge for tapping out.  It is a hard thing to do and drinking is comparably easier to do.  The opportunities to drink far outweigh the number of times that you feel inclined to pass it up.  Passing up on drinking seems like you are passing up on being social.  It is a fact that we are more inclined to socialize with some help from our friendly alcoholic alter-ego.  It allows us to unwind and helps us forget some of the stupid social barriers that stand in our way of talking to freely with strangers, or in some cases, people that we even know quite well.  I find that alcohol even provides something to do while you talk.  Talking to just talk becomes quite boring after awhile, but with a little social lubricant seemingly tiresome conversation can evolve into a great time.

This probationary period has had its successes, but has failed to convince me that you can have the same kinds of fun without our favorite liquid treats.  The truth of it is, comparing drinking activities with sober activities is completely unfair.  They both have their respective roles of importance.  The lesson to be learned here is: it is not about sacrificing one activity entirely, it is about managing these activities and not giving drinking activities priority over all others.  Instead of drinking to make things seem more fun and exciting, it is important to seek out new things to do that can add some spice to life without alcohol.  Though we may have failed to come up all sorts of new things to do, this is not something that one can expect to happen overnight.  We need to evolve and change with time.  The most important thing to remember is that the real adventure is not solely in the discovery of new things but in the path that we take to get there. 

There is a time and a place for everything, and this great experiment has had its time. Cheers.

That's it, I'm [almost] DONE.

Yes, I'm opening with the Need-a-Beer-o-Meter. And yes, all of the glasses are full. I almost quit on Friday. I almost gave up on this whole, pointless, unrewarding waste of time. At least that's how I felt about it on Friday.

At this point I have no desire to recap that day in any real length, but I'll just say that had it been any tougher, or had those around me that night been any less supportive, I'd have caved. I'm having a hard time seeing that the benefits of this outweigh the negatives, but I guess I can still say I'm not a quitter. It was a 5 out of 5 Need-a-Beer-o-Meter kind of night. Thank goodness for good friends.

Saturday we put in the dock for the season. We got some sun and some exercise, and it would have been capped nicely with an ice cold beer. Oh well.

Sunday was a slightly less intense version of Saturday. We got a couple boats out of storage, but didn't get them to the water. Pretty relaxing really, not a lot of sweat.

I apologize for the lack of enthusiam behind this post. I have to say I'm feeling a little worn out, and I'm pretty much over this whole thing. I'm feeling over the hump thank goodness, but it's just a waiting game now. Perhaps our other writer will provide more meaningful and enthusiastic insight until the end.

We'll wrap this up with a sigh, and unenthusiastic:

Day 18: Mental Mountain

So you know when your mind keeps racing with all sorts of random, nonsensical thoughts all at once?  Welcome to my brain without beer.  I'm beginning to think that I need beer simply to ease the pressure that is building in my mind.  Essentially, I need a reboot.  Some of you would say that it is a good thing that my brain is once again 'active,' but I disagree.  I think I'm going partially insane with thought.  The fact of the matter is that it would be fine to have so many thoughts at once if you actually had interesting thoughts to think about in the first place.  The problem is, 65 percent of what goes through my mind is, what amounts to, mental garbage.  That is where my handy disposal team, also known as beer, comes into play.  No waste management team makes for a messy brain.  I cannot attribute all of the mess to the lack of sterilization that alcohol once provided on a weekly basis.  It could be that my brain is not very good at recycling.  It could be the fact that my work life is so boring and bland that its leftovers amount to a stew of nuclear waste. The problem with nuclear waste is that no one quite knows the proper method of disposal.  I'm beginning to think that alcohol is my Yucca Mountain and that all of the toxic nonsense that is currently overwhelming my mind needs to be swept away into its depths do be forgotten for what amounts to an eternity.  That leads us to our next fundamental problem: Yucca Mountain is a money pit that, by all measurable accounts, has been a complete failure.  If that analogy extends to my 'alcohol detoxification plan,' does that mean my plan is also destined for failure?

I want a beer damnit - weekend #2

If this myth wants to be debunked, it's doing a crappy job. After two weeks of sobriety we're getting bored, and we're getting irritable. Without anything to look forward to and no real way to blow off steam (shut up about working out, that is NOT the same), we're getting snappy. (Now, I say "we," but I think we all probably know I really mean "I") This weekend was considerably tougher than the first.

On Friday we went out and played a few games of pool with some buddies (who were drinking, obviously) and you know what? - bars are less fun when you're sober. What a surprise.

Saturday entailed a truck-parts-mission that evolved into a blue-cheeseburger-eating/home-theater-furniture-testing-mission. Video games to follow. It was the same sort of stuff we do when we're not on a sobriety binge, but it wasn't as much fun. There's something about cruising around town with your brain running at 12-14%, trying to piece together faded mental snapshots of the previous night that really just puts a guy in a pleasant state of mind ya know? Yeah you know.

On Sunday we finally got around to bottling our latest batch of brew, AND IT ALSO SUCKED! Normally bottling is a tedious, messy, but thoroughly enjoyable task eased along its merry way by the gentle nudge of a tasty libation. Minus the libation it's a tedious, messy, and aggravating task seemingly designed to drag out nasty tempers. But we got it done. And I'm feeling the same way about the weekend - We got it done.

Now is that any way to feel about a weekend?

No. I want a beer damnit.

Day 12: Liquid Entanglement

Another work week has been completed and another weekend has arrived.  As usual a beer would be a great way to kick off the weekend.  At this point, it is just the fact that a beer would serve as a great method for winding down after a busy week, but alas it is a no go.  What makes this situation even more daunting is the fact that we have to bottle beer this weekend.  It essential boils down to bottling little bottles of temptation.  I have every confidence in our abilities to ward off said temptation, but bottling beer is a process that engages multiple senses.  Unfortunately, taste will be placed in a veritable desert with nothing to satiate its desires other than fleeting mirages that it will receive from its taunting olfactory neighbor.  Beyond the wanton desires for our favorite tasty beverage, this week has been full of various accomplishments that would be best served in celebration with the aforementioned liquid liberator.  It is not all bad, I personally feel like my ability to process and retain information is increasing.  The idea of attaining 'Einstein by Friday' may be turning into a reality. Then again, Einstein would have questioned the idea of what reality really was, which leads to the entanglement of my first mind-numbing paradox of is it real, what is real, how can we tell, et cetera.  Unfortunately, that will ultimately be very mind-blowing, which, in turn, will bring me back to square one.  That square is filled with beer.

Days 6 & 7: Weekend #1

Well, we did it. We survived the first Weekend of Sobriety. It was the true test after all, and it marks the first one in a long time.

Friday night was rough; without our usual activities to distract us, we were served a few somewhat crushing realizations (see "Day 5"), but we coped, and we woke up on Saturday morning hangover-free. (I was still battling a cold though and once again I'd have taken hangover over the cold). Full of motivation and electrolytes we attacked the day with vigor reminiscent of our youths, that is to say, not much. We spent the morning/early afternoon (still the same thing to us) investigating future recreational activities, and by 3 pm we found ourselves in a pub. The moment of truth - "Hi guys, can I get you anything to drink to start off with?" "...Yeah...a couple of waters would be great." There it is folks! The first flat out denial of brew! So we did it. From here we can just coast. Temptation? Defeated.

Anyway, after that Splash of our Inner Titans, we triumphantly strode...to the Science Museum. Yep. And then within 5 more minutes we were MEMBERS. Talk about a rapid metamorphosis. (The devil on my shoulder would like to point out however, that it was pretty much the same price to become a member as it was for a one time visit). We also got to see the Dead Sea Scrolls which was...educational. And now we can go back, for free! Afterward, brains aching, we went home and crashed. Apparently our sober-stamina has not been built up yet. That completely wiped us out.

On Sunday morning we woke up once again with regular morning breath rather than beer morning breath, which was refreshing. We headed to a buddy's house to do some spring painting, and then off to a parent's house for burgers &...water. Satisfying way to end the weekend. Sort of.

We're hesitant to get too excited, but we're already experiencing inklings of longer trains of thought and better conversational tracking. Nothing conclusive, but I guess it's only been a week. We'll see how things go this week.

Aside from a few beer-in-your-face moments, our first Sober Weekend went pretty smoothly. Ha! Psychological addiction, schmychological schmaschmiction!

Day 5: Sober Nancy's

Friday was a day of coping.  Coping with the fact that we are probably just as boring with or without alcohol.  We really just do not do that many exciting things overall.  As it turns out, alcohol just leads us to believe that we are always doing really fun things.  Our Friday night was filled largely with postulation.  The conclusion is that we really need to set some goals and start signing up for some things to do or we will just end up being plain, bored, and boring.